A Public Diary During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 Pandemic ~ Day 100

Joe Culhane
Pandemic Diaries
Published in
7 min readJun 24, 2020

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This little work of art was just created the other day by our 4-year old. I love it dearly.

Is it possible my perspective is so wrong?
That this is an absurd movement for civil rights?
Because some All Lives Matter folks are saying so
going so far as to say saying Black Lives Matter is racist
which is some seriously fucked up Alabaster patrol logic
I am challenged by their conviction, less by their stance
and I refuse to let a fear from the oppressors quiet me down

How could it be argued, once learned that white privilege
is not a simple matter of fact in what is called “American” culture?
it is the norm for which all else is the ‘other’ and is so deeply true
that most White folks can not see the forest for the trees

I believe entirely that systemic racism is real as the sun
it’s not victim culture and a lack of personal accountability
it’s true we all have our own responsibility in this reality
but that does not negate the foundations of this here country
the imperialism, slavery, and colonialism that is it’s legacy
or today’s prison industrial complex and police brutality

There is also a very real class issue that deeply affects all
its roots are connected to the same systemic oppression tree
and most folks find themselves up against the weight of this
which means that people of all walks of life are still subjugated
by late stage capitalism and its strangle hold on our economy

That truth does not negate the 400 plus years of suffering,
marginalization, disenfranchisement, redlining, gentrifying,
and all the atrocious ways that Black Lives have been treated

I’ve heard it said, that the systems we have in place are not broken
that they are working exactly the way they were designed to work

Which means it is high fucking time we dismantles these systems
because this oppression has gone on for far, far too long

So yeah, I suppose it could be argued my perspective is wrong
yet I will never stop standing up for these civil and human rights

Why?

Because:

Black Lives Matter.
Black Trans Lives Matter.
All Black Lives Matter.

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Well, here I am. 100 days into this daily pandemic public diary. It’s June 23, 2020 and it sure was a toasty ass day around these here parts. I believe we got up to about 93. Hot. I awoke this morning, doing my daily routine, cold shower, coffee, a morning scroll before yoga and upon opening Facebook the first fucking post was from this fellow that I’ve recently somehow become engaged with who is of the stance that systemic racism does not exist. His post was something to the effect of, “alright, I’m just going to go ahead and say it, All Lives Matter.” which was connected to this article going into depth about how the Irish were also slaves and traded, more than African people, and how hard and awful it was for them, too.

This is a part of our human story that has some truth to it, I’ve learned about it before but it doesn’t in and of itself dismiss what the fuck has been going on with Black people for over 400 years right up until today. I’m tempted to either copy and paste or maybe screen shot his post and our back and forth because what is most amazing about it to me is, he doesn’t believe he is racist at all, says he was all about this cause for a long time until he learned the truth and that we are all perpetuating victim culture and he’s so absolutely dismissive it’s unbelievable. He seems to not be aggressively anti Black in any overt way, other than saying the Black Lives Matter movement is fucked up and that all us Lefty unicorns are being ridiculous or some shit like that.

He also recently posted some ranting by Muhammad Ali’s son who, like Candace, whatever her last name is, ranted about how bullshit this all is and how he believes if his dad were alive, you know, Muhammad Ali, one of the most iconic civil rights sports heroes of an era, that he would not support Black Lives Matter. He posts these two articles as if they would qualify his All Lives Matter stance and be substantial enough to support his highly questionable views.

What is so damn frustrating about it is that they are adamant, angrily so about defending their position. They say that this is all victim culture behavior where it is all blaming others and not taking any personal responsibility for where everyone finds themselves. They try to say that it is all cherry picked statistics and anecdotal references that prop up this story that Black people have it worse than others and that White people in fact have it far worse. It’s all because of fatherlessness that Black people have it so hard. They keep pointing to that as if that explains it all, too.

I think I’ve been sucked into a troll type situation here with some, unbeknownst to themselves racists, which isn’t at all good for my mental health but damnit if I’m not intrigued by their conviction. These are not the kind of folks that seem to have any sort of active hatred towards Black people, but I do of course realize that it is thinly veiled, even if they themselves don’t understand that. They spew hate, mostly towards any and everyone who believes in Black Lives Matter regardless of their skin color which I suppose is kinda inclusive of them. This is the part I keep coming around to with them, asking if they realize that they are sounding like such assholes and how awful their position must seem to the people of color they so aggressively dismiss, declaring we all have the same access to opportunity and wildly untrue shit like that. It’s fucked up. And they are angry about it. I question just blocking them from my network but there is this part of me that against better reasoning, wishes to find a way to have them come around to the angle of equity and justice for all. The difficult part about it is that this is exactly what they are claiming is already here. That we who support this movement are naive and brainwashed and have it all wrong. How in the fuck could that be?

I guess what sort of good I can take away from these interactions is understanding first hand what others viewpoints are, these folks don’t seem to be toting the Fox News trope per se, bits of it sure, but not all of it. This is a whole other level of belief which involves what seems to be some conspiracies and/or a special group of people who believe they know better than everyone else and that we’re all just a bunch of damn misguided fools. But fuck that. Racism is real. And systemic racism and environmental racism are two of the most important areas we as humans must focus on right now in order to course correct before we annihilate ourselves and a decent chunk of our ecological wonderland that this world has as well. We’ve already wiped out a good amount of it already as it were.

What in the hell is going to happen here? We got this pandemic, this beyond problematic president, a political system that is corrupt as can be, predatory capitalism cranking away doing what it was designed to do and destroying shit at an ever accelerating pace. Police brutality and other systemic issues that all combined really do make our modern world look like an experiment gone rather awry.

But I still have hope damnit. There is reason for optimism in some ways. Resilience and acts of solidarity in the face of all this shit still bring some light into the darkness. It is not all lost. We are not all lost. We can get out of this mess. We will. We must.

I work to wrap this post up and will likely not check back in now until Friday night at the earliest. It will be the first two days I’ve taken off of this daily writing dance in 100. The missus and I, along with our 4 year old will be heading out into nature to check out of the city life and check into camping on a lake and soaking in some hot springs. Our first multiple night adventure out since this all began. It will be a form of self care that is well needed and while I note that I cannot help but realize that it is a great privilege for us to be doing such a thing at this time as well. I am grateful for this opportunity to connect with the natural world and see the night sky with so much of the light pollution removed as we’ll be well away from the cities.

We shall see if I pick this back up again after we come back. I have every intention to and it has been quite a journey up to this point. I wonder if I’ll have some wild hair up my ass to write anyways and find a way to go and post my words each day we’re out there. I’m going to try and not. I may even just leave the computer at home which would really help make that so. I could write entirely on my phone but that would be quite an undertaking and I don’t really want to go and do such a thing. But I am hooked into these wandering word shares I’ve been doing all these many days of the pandemic.

Well, enough of that pondering, I’m done for now. Love to all, peace to all, and while all lives are worthy of love, care, and compassion, I will conclude this post reiterating that right now, at this time in our human story line, Black Lives Matter…

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Writer, podcaster, international public speaker, Theater of the Oppressed actor, and lover of this precious intrinsically connected world we are all a part of.