A Public Diary During the Coronavirus/COVID-19 Pandemic ~ Day 96

Joe Culhane
Pandemic Diaries
Published in
6 min readJun 20, 2020

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The cover photo for the podcast episode I did today..

Juneteenth is here
in the midst of an uprising
in the midst of a global pandemic
a moment that one day all of humanity
will hopefully look back on and celebrate
for civil and human rights are being demanded
if the movement persists, justice and peace will be had

May it be so, may it be so

Right now though, we have Juneteenth in the collective awareness
Black Lives Matter is being sung, shouted, and heard everywhere
and that is a fine reason to celebrate on this day in the year 2020

How many among us had never heard of this holiday?
How many never knew the story of how it came to be?

I know I didn’t learn this until really quite recently
and the amount I’ve learned in only these past few weeks
really comes down to a whole lot of unlearning shit I was taught

Here we are, June 19th, the year 2020
celebrating Black freedom on Juneteenth
a freedom that still is not quite here entirely
for there is still an underlying culture of white supremacy
which is why we must continue to rise up and to stand in solidarity

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How many waves of exhaustion can one go through and sustain a level plane of existence? Operating at a level of coherence and functioning steadily enough to be able to navigate through this life successfully? I’m not saying I’m at the precipice of such a place, in fact, I’ve managed to get at least 6 hours of sleep each night this week which seems reasonably adequate. I welcome more like 8 or so though. It’s the tension and stress and all the many factors of a world flipped upside-down that make for a scenario that can wipe a person out, you know? Listening to some of those speakers last night made me realize that their exhaustion and situations were likely much more intense than my own in many ways. And while I do not wish to sit in comparison of our positions. I have to take a moment to recognize I still have so much comfort and support as we go through this wild unknown. My struggle and suffering is valid and important by all means, and really, all things considered, I’m feeling pretty well at the moment. If being tired and a bit emotional is the worst thing I’ve got going right now I’d say that things are pretty okay.

As those words poured out of me I couldn’t help but think about some posts I’ve seen from some machismo/bravado white guys on my Facebook feed who are talking about how guilt and shame are not what we need right now and while I cannot recall the exact language, these posts are essentially insinuating that to acknowledge white privilege is bullshit and that people such as myself shouldn’t get too caught up in all of this white fragility type shit. Except, I’m not feeling as though that is what I’m going through and what is happening here. I admit I’m doing what I can with as much humility as possible and with as much vulnerability and integrity as I can muster as well. And it is late and I am tired and I’m not sure my thoughts are coming out clear at the moment.

But I’ll go on. Today is the 96th day of this public daily pandemic dairy I’ve been sharing. Since the beginning I’ve been trying to sort out how this global pandemic and the political and economic situation here in the United States is disproportionately affecting communities of color, Black and Brown folks are suffering from COVID and all sorts of systemic issues in ways that white folks largely aren’t. I know that beyond the race issue there is the extremely important component of class, in which we live in a modern era structured around some sort of deranged indentured servitude, where most people live their whole lives in debt and in this way are alway behind the 8 ball. Where American exceptionalism is driven into our beliefs from youth on up, that we live in a shared meritocracy where we all have an equal opportunity to make it if we just try hard enough, pull ourselves up by our boot straps and all that shit.

Those are merely one component of the agenda driven by capitalism and the plutocracy and oligarchy that do what they can to rule and dominate humanity at large. There is still the underlying colonial settler and white supremacy current that swirls beneath it all. This is important to keep in mind though it is equally important to recognize the difference between poor white folks, disenfranchised white folks, and poor and disenfranchised black folks. Why? Well, unless if you’ve been living in the woods and disconnected from technology and modern society your whole life, then you’ll recall that the 400+ years of slavery and systemic racism and oppression are very real factors that have put Black lives into a category of lesser than and it has gone on way too fucking long. This should no longer be debatable. But to this very day it comes up in my life. One of the fastest ways to help address this all, post haste, is that we need to rip up all the old history books and do a way better job of telling the history of how we got to this point in time.

There are so many reasonably well meaning and intelligent people in the world, white people to be clear, that somehow are under the impression that we’re past racism and that these systemic issues aren’t real. That it is some kind of bonkers conspiracy and that all this civil rights action and protesting is happening because all those engaged are brainwashed and lead astray from the real dangers and dark forces that are up to no good. But what I cannot for the life of me put together in my head is how these white folks go to such great lengths at times to publicly point out how systemic racism isn’t real and that these issues are fake. I don’t get it. Even if this were sorta, kinda true, wouldn’t you still want to not come off as an asshole and negate the real tragedies and atrocities that are taking place across the country? I don’t know. I’m confused about how people can be so polarized by issues like this. It doesn’t sit well with me that people will debate and angrily post shit dismissing the struggles of our fellow human family. While in many cases sincerely trying to impress upon me that they themselves are not racist or anything of the sort. It’s bananas.

But here we are. over half way through 2020. June 19th. Juneteenth. It is a day to celebrate in many ways and with the celebrating may we honor those who are continuing to stand up to the injustices and work towards the more equitable and peaceful world I know is possible. Today I spent several hours putting together a podcast episode to speak to these issues a bit, If you feel so compelled have a listen and share it with your friends. I shared an article by Tema Okun called White Supremacy Culture and discussed that and tried to put it into context of today and the Black Lives Matter movement. It’s so important we see how this toxic culture has infiltrated every corner of our country and how we operate in groups and organizations. That was my goal with the podcast in regards to education for sustainable development, I wished to show how it’s all connected, because it is.

Alright, I wished to reflect more on this day and maybe I will tomorrow. I was really and truly hoping tonight I was going to get to sleep early but at this point, it’s not looking like that is going to happen. It’s a little after 11pm now, its hot and humid and while I’m totally spent, I’m not sure how quickly I’ll be able to get to sleep after I finish putting these words out there. I will note that it was nice to see my dad, sister, and brother-in-law on a video chat tonight and also to connect with our friends that we had the long standing Friday night zoom with since this all began three months ago now, we missed a week or two there and so coming together for a bit was sweet. And strange, too. Because three months in, we’re all a bit jaded and at various levels of acceptance with it all, while also wondering what in the hell is going to happen next because we still have no clear leadership here in the US of A and even as cities and states across the country are opening up for business, the cases of COVID-19 continue to rise. And that is where we’re at right now. Two days from the longest day of the year, summer solstice and a solar eclipse, and it’s Father’s Day, to boot. Wild times…

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Writer, podcaster, international public speaker, Theater of the Oppressed actor, and lover of this precious intrinsically connected world we are all a part of.